The "Yours, Mine, and Ours" Ledger: How My Partner and I Track Finances Without Fully Merging

[finance_fred]

My partner and I have been together for 6 years, and we’ve never fully merged our finances. We both value financial independence, but we also share a life - rent, groceries, utilities, vacations. Here’s how I structure our Beancount setup to track “yours, mine, and ours” without either of us feeling controlled.

Our Philosophy

We believe in equitable, not equal. I earn about 60% of our combined income, so I contribute 60% to shared expenses. Neither of us feels resentful, and we both have our own spending money that requires zero justification.

The Account Structure

; === MY ACCOUNTS (Fred's ledger) ===
2024-01-01 open Assets:Fred:Checking
2024-01-01 open Assets:Fred:Savings
2024-01-01 open Assets:Fred:Investments:Brokerage
2024-01-01 open Assets:Fred:Investments:401k

; === OUR SHARED ACCOUNTS ===
2024-01-01 open Assets:Joint:Checking   ; We both have access
2024-01-01 open Assets:Joint:Savings    ; Emergency fund + vacation

; === TRACKING PARTNER'S CONTRIBUTIONS ===
2024-01-01 open Assets:Partner:Contribution  ; What they owe/contributed
2024-01-01 open Liabilities:Partner:Owed     ; What I owe them

; === EXPENSE CATEGORIES ===
2024-01-01 open Expenses:Shared:Rent
2024-01-01 open Expenses:Shared:Utilities
2024-01-01 open Expenses:Shared:Groceries
2024-01-01 open Expenses:Shared:DateNight
2024-01-01 open Expenses:Personal:Fred      ; My personal spending

Monthly Workflow

Step 1: Calculate contributions
Our total shared expenses last month: $4,000

• My share (60%): $2,400
• Partner’s share (40%): $1,600

Step 2: Fund the joint account

2026-01-01 * "Transfer to Joint" "January shared expense funding"
  Assets:Fred:Checking           -2400.00 USD
  Assets:Joint:Checking           2400.00 USD

2026-01-01 * "Partner contribution" "January shared expense funding"
  Assets:Partner:Contribution     1600.00 USD
  Assets:Joint:Checking           1600.00 USD

Step 3: Track expenses from joint account

2026-01-05 * "Landlord" "January rent"
  Expenses:Shared:Rent           2200.00 USD
  Assets:Joint:Checking         -2200.00 USD

2026-01-10 * "PG&E" "Electric bill"
  Expenses:Shared:Utilities        85.00 USD
  Assets:Joint:Checking           -85.00 USD

Handling Uneven Spending

Sometimes one person pays for something shared from their personal account. We track it as a reimbursement:

2026-01-15 * "Costco" "Groceries (Fred paid, shared expense)"
  Expenses:Shared:Groceries       200.00 USD
  Assets:Fred:Checking           -200.00 USD
  Liabilities:Partner:Owed         80.00 USD  ; Partner owes me 40%

We settle up once a month via Venmo or just adjust next month’s contributions.

FIRE Tracking as a Couple

For my FIRE calculations, I track:

• My personal net worth (fully mine)
• My share of joint savings
• Combined household expenses (for expense projections)

; Query: My true net worth
SELECT 
  SUM(CONVERT(position, 'USD')) as net_worth
WHERE 
  account ~ 'Assets:Fred' OR 
  account ~ 'Assets:Joint'  ; 50% owned, but I track 100% for simplicity

What Works For Us

1. Monthly money meetings - 30 minutes to review shared spending
2. No judgment on personal spending - What’s in your personal account is yours
3. Shared goals, separate paths - We both want financial independence, but we get there our own way
4. Transparency by choice - I share my Fava dashboard; they check it maybe twice a year

Anyone else doing the “yours, mine, ours” approach? Would love to hear variations!

[helpful_veteran]

This is almost exactly how my wife and I do it! A few things I’ve learned after 4 years:

1. Watch out for “expense creep” in the joint account

We started with rent, utilities, and groceries as shared. Then it became “well, the Netflix is shared…” then “the new couch is shared…” then “the dog is shared…”

Now we have a clear rule: recurring monthly expenses and groceries only. Everything else gets discussed and either split on the spot or comes from personal accounts.

2. The reimbursement tracking is key

Fred’s Liabilities:Partner:Owed approach is exactly right. Without this, you’ll either:

• Forget who owes what
• Have a running mental tab that breeds resentment
• Argue about “but I paid for dinner last week!”

3. Consider separate ledger files

We actually use two separate Beancount files:

• fred.beancount - My complete financial picture
• household.beancount - Just the joint account, both of us have access

I include the household file in mine:

include "household.beancount"

This way she can edit household transactions without touching my personal accounts.

4. The monthly meeting is non-negotiable

We call ours “Money Date” - coffee, the Fava dashboard on a laptop, 30 minutes max. Been doing it every first Sunday for 3 years. It prevents 99% of money arguments.

Great post, Fred!

[practical_adviser]

Love this! I’ve helped several couples set up systems like this, and wanted to share what I’ve seen work (and not work).

What tends to work:

1. The “yours, mine, ours” hybrid - Exactly what Fred describes. Independence + shared responsibility.

2. Regular check-ins - Couples who talk about money monthly have fewer blowups. Period.

3. Guilt-free personal spending - When each person has “their” money, you don’t get the “you spent HOW MUCH on video games?!” arguments.

What tends to break down:

1. Fuzzy definitions of “shared” - Is a birthday gift for your mother shared? What about your haircut? Unclear boundaries create conflict.

2. One person doing all the tracking - If only Fred uses Beancount and the partner just… exists in the system, resentment can build. Both partners should understand (even if not operate) the system.

3. Ignoring income changes - If one person gets a raise or loses a job, the percentages need to be revisited. I’ve seen couples keep stale 60/40 splits for years after their incomes changed.

A client story:

Couple came to me after nearly breaking up over money. She earned 2x what he did but they split 50/50. He was spending 60% of his income on shared expenses, she was spending 20%. When we restructured to proportional, the relationship tension dropped almost immediately.

The math matters, but so does the feeling of fairness.

[newbie_accountant]

This is really timely! My boyfriend and I just moved in together and we’re trying to figure out how to handle money.

A few questions:

1. Do you both need to use Beancount?

I’m the one who loves spreadsheets and tracking things. He… tolerates it. Is it possible for me to track everything and just show him a summary, or does that defeat the purpose?

2. What about when you’re not living together yet?

We’re currently splitting rent and groceries, but we don’t have a joint account. Should I just track my half and use a liability account for what he owes me (or vice versa)?

3. The income difference thing…

I make about 40% more than him right now. We’ve been doing 50/50 because “that’s fair” but reading this thread, maybe it’s not? How do you even bring that conversation up without it being awkward?

Would love a simpler “starter” version of Fred’s setup for couples who are just moving in together!